New Job

By | 6th July 2016

Performance

Well the dust is beginning to settle from a momentous month’s cataclysmic events.

In an ideal world I would now be celebrating the fact that our CQC report was the best ever recorded, the UK have confirmed its commitment to the ideals of the EU, England would be football champions in Europe and we wouldn’t be faced with the possibility of having a buffoon for a prime minister. Sadly the world is very different and we are still feeling the fall out of last month’s seismic shift in the political landscape.

I have yet got over the frustration that, in spite of excellent feedback from patients, the CQC think we ‘require improvement’; our national football team froze before the Icemen – I suppose we shouldn’t have been surprised ; we have rejected the EU and now half the country feels embittered that they were lied to by our politicians – and we were surprised!!

But at least this cloud has a silver lining and our illustrious leader has resigned. Like David Cameron, I feel that I should have a plan to move forward. Maybe I too should do the decent, honourable thing and accept responsibility for our poor CQC result and resign. And it just so happens that a job, for which I feel pretty well qualified, has also got a vacancy.

The job description sounds interesting;

  • We are looking for a resilient male (going well so far – there’s no one more resilient than a UK GP) to take forward our team.
  • No formal qualification required.
  • They must have experience working in a hostile environment (another box ticked – there’s nothing more toxic than working in the NHS).
  • Prior experience with working with overpaid, overvalued, underperforming egotistical professionals essential (well I don’t think the Daily Mail would argue with that one – they’ve been describing GPs in that fashion for years).
  • Need to be able to think on your and with your feet and be flexible with your approach.
  • Should be a master tactician (hey, I used to be a county chess champion – admittedly I was 18 and it was almost 4 decades ago, but tactics they’re like riding a bike, I’ll soon pick it up again) and psychologist (this is getting better and better – we GPs are doctors first and psychologists second).
  • We are looking to appoint on a temporary basis but if results go well the a long term contract is a possibility.
  • Ideally you should be based in London but our preferred candidate is based in Bournemouth are we are prepared to wait or allow commuting. (Bournemouth… surely they haven’t read our CQC report already?!)
  • Salary is negotiable but your predecessor was on £70,000 (not quite as much as a GP, but beggars can’t be choosers) a week (!!!! – obviously a typo, who could possibly be worth £70,000 a week and doesn’t actually have to have any qualification).
  • You will only need to be with the team 3-4 times in the year and your pay is not performance related.
  • Furthermore if we decide that we need to terminate your contract prematurely we will give generous compensation. (What 70 grand a week and you only have to front up to work 4 times a year and if you’re utterly incompetent they’ll still pay you. They can’t be serious. Who are these numpties?)

Now let’s see where do I send my CV?

I’ve got a couple of weeks in the summer and holiday in the winter and £3.5mill in the bank – sounds too good to be true. Let’s see the Football Association, London….

But then again I would get even more grief from the Daily Mail than I presently do – even for £3.5million it wouldn’t be enough and resigning would give far too much weight to a bunch of CQC bureaucrats assessing how we look after our patients.

So I’m afraid I’ve not done the decent thing and I’ll be staying at Denmark Road for a little while longer.

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