I think I’m pretty fit for someone who receives mail from Saga.
I don’t smoke, I don’t drink any alcohol, I do drink lots of beetroot juice, I run lots, I eat healthily, I don’t have any chronic health problems and I don’t take any medication.
The government knows that most health clinicians are incapable of thinking for themselves.
The cynic in me feels that this is just part and parcel of living in a nanny state which seeks to control all aspects of our lives. I have learnt over the years that whenever a government (of any colour) says that one thing will happen, it invariably means the opposite.
Some of you may think that the new décor in my room is merely a device to get you in and out of the surgery quickly.
Let me reassure that this is not the case. The fact that the desk, chairs and couch have all been removed and in its place is a chest high work table and an exercise conveyer belt is in your best interests as well as mine.
Hopefully you realised that my rant about allow natural death forms wasn’t an April Fool.
But the government has tried to name and shame GPs, the New Scientist did (unbelievably) publish a non-April fool article about head transplants.
My poo may indeed be a really invaluable treatment in the future and there are a number of forward thinking organisations who have introduced walking treadmills to improve the health of their employees.
So the irony is that the only April Fool should have been about my centenarian patient who rest home proprietors were really distressed that she should die without her ‘allow natural death form’!
Actually anyone who read a single edition of the Denmark Doctor has probably already come to the same conclusion.
I acknowledge that Victor Meldrew is a hero of mine and Top Gear is one of my favourite programs. Take all this together and there’s no doubt I’m a grumpy old man.
A patient recently phoned in for the results of her autopsy.
I reassured her that unless she was a zombie she was a little premature.
I would like to remind our non-zombie patients that it helps us if you can phone in for the results of bloods tests after 10 am.
Many thanks for the patient who quipped that he was older and wider.
It made me think of another patient years previously who misquoted hamlet (twice mentioned in this newsletter – well he was the prince of Denmark so I guess its allowed), ‘Tubby or not tubby, fat is the question!’